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I kicked out my spouse, but now I want him to come back, how do I do it?

Sometimes we say or do things based on the emotion of the moment. This can be especially true when we feel like our marriage or spouse is changing in an undesirable way. Sometimes we take this so far that we ask or tell our spouse to leave. And we might be surprised and disappointed when they actually do. But that’s when things settle down that reality hits us, and serious regret sets in. We realize that we want him to come back when he only did what we asked of him, which is to leave.

Someone might recall this scenario: “My husband and I have been arguing about money for the past seven months. We have had problems before, but our fights have reached a whole new level. My husband invested more money than we could afford. I got mad when I found out. When we discussed it, I asked him if there was anything else he needed to know. I told him that he could also bring the bad things out into the open. I told him I’d rather find out about it at the same time than find out later. He told me that I knew it all and there was nothing else to tell. Well, last week we got a statement in the mail. I don’t normally open financial information documents. I usually leave that to my husband. But something told me I should. So I did. And I found out that there were other accounts that I didn’t know about and that we’re in a lot more financial trouble than I knew. So when my husband got home, I let him. I called him a liar. He said that’s exactly me. Notice the reason you didn’t tell me, because I knew you would overreact. He was so angry that I told him to take his things and leave. He tried to reason with me, but I didn’t calm down, so he finally left. Now I have been without my husband for almost a week and I have calmed down. I am still angry. Very angry. But I realize that I’d rather work with him to get us out of this mess than to end my marriage. But now I don’t know what to do. I was the one who asked him to leave in the first place. I don’t want to sound stupid by saying that I suddenly changed my mind. And he could be so angry that I asked him to leave and refuse to come home. “

It is normal to worry about how you will be perceived in a situation like this. When my husband and I parted company, I was very scared to admit what I was really feeling. I didn’t want to sound desperate and I didn’t want to be in a situation where my feelings would cause my husband to distance himself. Also, it sounds very silly now, but I hated the idea that I would love or miss my husband more than he did or miss me. This is silly because I made my pride more important than getting my marriage back on track, which should have been the real goal.

However, receiving a negative response from your husband is a real concern. And I think there is a way to approach this issue without so much risk. The next time you talk to your husband, you could try a conversation like this: “I have been thinking a lot in the past week. I am so sorry. I had a right to be very angry. You don’t like to be cheated on. But I can tell. that I still overreacted. I wish I had never asked him to leave. I have no idea what his feelings might be about it, but I’d be willing to try to stay together in the future rather than scatter at the first sign of problems. I know we have a difficult road ahead of us, but I suspect it would be easier together rather than separately. “

Then listen to what your husband has to say. You may well say that you feel the same and that you are relieved. Or you can say that you are still processing things and that you need time. And that’s okay. The real goal is to let her know that you are aware that you overreacted and to lay the foundation for positive communication in the future. You may not come back right away, but even if you don’t, that gives you time to talk about things and to define and understand issues.

Sometimes people are so eager for him to come back that they rush things. They don’t talk about the issues and then pretty soon they’re fighting again and coming home is not so happy after all because you’re dealing with a repeat of what happened before. It is best to take your time while communicating regularly and working to find a solution. That way, your return home will be much more harmonious.

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