My girlfriend wants to be friends – what can I do?
She sits you. break up with you As the smoke clears, that’s when she mutters that dreaded phrase no one ever wants to hear:
“Okay, we can still be friends…”
His friend. That’s what you are to her right now. You’ve gone from being as close and intimate as two people can be, and in the span of a single day, your ex suddenly wants nothing more than to be your friend.
You will hear many people tell you that they ‘stayed friends’ with an ex after the breakup. Hell, you might even catch a few of them hanging out. But that’s on the surface. This is how things appear to be. In reality, however, understand this:
YOU CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND
You don’t want to Because in any situation of ‘friends’ with an ex, a person you always love the other person more. There are always unrequited feelings when it comes to breaking up, because every breakup has a winner and a loser. ALWAYS.
It’s always funny when you hear someone say that a breakup is “mutual.” This is an unmitigated bull, no matter who vomits it. Even if the couple is bad for each other, even if they broke up through constant fighting, in the end, there is always ONE person who says “Hey, this is over”, and the other person has to sit back and pretend they are. this. according to her, when in reality that was the furthest thing from the truth.
How to Handle Being on the Losing End of the Breakup
Alright, now that you’ve realized that you’re the ‘dump’ and that your girlfriend is the ‘dump’, you can move on to what you really want: get your relationship back again. This is something you can only achieve once you’ve accepted that your relationship is finally over, and haven’t tried to drag her through some silly “let’s be friends” nonsense.
Honestly, you don’t want to get your old relationship back. You want to get your girlfriend back. But she wants her in a new relationship; one free of all the junk that caused your breakup in the first place. One that allows them both to start over, instead of having to repeat the same old things they’ve been fighting over for months and even years.
Soon, you will use some shortcut strategies to change your ex’s mind. It will happen fast so be prepared for it. But this can only happen if you are willing to do the exact opposite of what you are doing now: break the ties and move on. Cutting ties from your past relationship and not embarrassing yourself by clinging to some lame promise of friendship.
Why Being Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend Never Works Out
There are many reasons why staying friends after a breakup is bad, but first let’s take a look at what your girlfriend wants. Ready? Good:
- She wants the security of knowing that you’re ‘still there’, so it’s easier to break up with you.
- She wants that security because ratify his decision to break up with you.
- She wants to see you upset and down, because makes her feel like she won when she broke up with you.
- She loves the attention of knowing that you still love her while she stay at a distance, safely broken with you.
Do you see a pattern yet? Good. Because most guys who go along with the “let’s be friends” post-breakup nonsense don’t. They’re so desperate to stay in their girlfriend’s life, even as something pathetic like a “friend,” that they’re willing to forget about the part where they practically destroy any chance of getting her back.
When you remain friends with your ex, you are providing them with comfort. Security. Security.
You’re giving him a shoulder to cry on. An ear to talk to, whenever she feels sad or lonely, so she can cheer up.
Staying friends means she can see you NOT hanging out with other people while you wait for her. And yes, she knows perfectly well that you are still waiting for her.
Above all, by asking to be your ‘friend’, your girlfriend has filed you into that place you never want to be: the friend zone.
Now the problem is that you want her back. But you want her so much that you’re willing to ‘do anything’ to get her, which means you’ll put in the work and be that good friend when she needs you.
What if you are already friends with your ex?
Have you already made the mistake of staying friends with your ex girlfriend? That is easy: leave her.
Yes, that’s right: ditch the friendship. You don’t have to be a jerk about it, just stop texting and stop calling and stop posting on her Facebook page.
And when does he call you? Stop taking those calls. Stop responding to her texts, and when she starts with cute lines like “Hey, did you fall off the face of the Earth?” make sure those text messages are received with MORE silence.
The silence you feel should be deafening. Make SHE feel alone. Make SHE wonder where she went. And after a few days of this? She replies with a single mysterious line: “Sorry, I’ve been busy.”
It’s none of her business what you’ve been busy with, because guess what: she’s not your girlfriend. Think about it: if you were to question her about what she’s been making of her, she’d take it as trying to get back into a relationship with her. Therefore, she gets the same treatment.
There are many different ways to attract your girlfriend, but the most important thing is to first have a step-by-step plan. Don’t act without knowing exactly how to handle your ex’s most common responses and without knowing exactly what to say and do.