The volcanic fury of the narcissist

We’ve all had experiences where a person we thought we knew suddenly turned on us in anger. Startled by the attack, we ask ourselves, “What have I done to make this person so angry?” Anger and rage are different. Anger focuses on specific problems. Anger has an ending and often a justifiable reason. Anger has a different strength and quality. Anger comes from deep within a person. It is rooted in the core of the personality. We often observe volcanic anger in the narcissist. The narcissist is an individual who has a severe personality disorder distinguished by a sense of grandiosity, superiority, self-entitlement, manipulation, deception, and a lack of empathy.

The highly successful narcissist appears to be a very confident, self-righteous, and self-assured individual. He is often a social expert and can be very persuasive. He has a special way of attracting people to him. This is the mask that he (or she) presents so convincingly to the world. Often times, his audience responds with praise, flattery, and monetary rewards that the narcissist steadfastly pursues to show just how perfect and powerful he is.

There is a dark part to the narcissistic personality that shows up when you cross paths, when people don’t meet your unreasonable demands. Beneath the surface of his attractive outer shell, the narcissist is always seething. Narcissistic rage begins in early childhood. A classic theme is that of a parent or parents who are focused on creating a perfect child. Instead of allowing the child to be his natural and spontaneous self, they impose on him a false self. They give you the impression that you are superior to others, that you cannot do anything wrong, that you can treat others without respect, and that your destructive and cruel behavior has no consequences. At the base of the narcissistic rage is the unconscious feeling that he was never loved for being himself, but simply for the attributes his parents saw in him: physical attractiveness, intellectual ability, athletic prowess, artistic talent. His parents have exploited him to make them feel more powerful and worthy.

The unconscious source of narcissistic rage is self-loathing. When the narcissist emanates smoke like Vesuvius and the smoke turns into explosive flames, the molten lava of his bottomless anger covers everything in its path. There are several ways to protect yourself from narcissistic rage. First, learn to identify the narcissistic personalities in your life. Second, maintain self-respect and discriminate that you are a unique individual and separate from the narcissist (even if you are married to one). Third, be clear that the withering narcissist is using a defense mechanism called projection. He cannot contain the horrible way he feels about himself, so he projects this poison onto others, especially those close to him. Always remember, it’s not about you. Stay empowered, stay as calm as you can, and keep an emotional distance and a psychological basis on the truth.