Victorian etiquette for dining and dining
Mealtimes were special occasions in Victorian homes and the meal began with making sure to dress appropriately for the event. While you could dress a bit more casually for meals at home, any outdoor dining event that took place after 6 PM was automatically a formal occasion. Women were expected to wear low-cut dresses with short sleeves and gloves. The married woman opted for satin or silk while the single woman arrived in muslin or chiffon. Men always wore dark cloth and “fine linen.”
Male guests were assigned a female guest to accompany them to the dining room. The host always accompanied the highest ranking lady, a newcomer to the area, a new girlfriend, or the wife of a distinguished guest. The hostess was accompanied by her husband’s business partner or best friend.
The Victorian formal dining room could be called the banquet hall today. It was generally quite large and luxuriously furnished, as was the custom at the time.
There were extensive decorations that included massive decorative furniture, stuffed birds in cages, ceramic and earthenware figurines, potted plants, and a huge mirror, among other items. The center of attention was always the table of abundance finely placed in the middle of the room.
Perhaps the term “finely established” is an understatement. The hostess’s goal was to display every piece of fine china, goblets and silver she owned, so it was not uncommon to find 24-piece cutlery that included up to eight different forks, each with its own special purpose. Add to that 8 extra knives, game scissors, 7 pieces of glasses for water, wine, sherry, and more, a dinner plate, and a bread plate containing a single piece of bread, and you’d think there couldn’t be either. space for food; But they found a place anyway!
Most formal Victorian banquets were like an all-you-can-eat buffet, except you sat down and the endless array of up to nine dishes was brought to you instead. A lot of time was allowed between courses for conversation and digestive processes.
After the meal was finished, the servants brought finger bowls filled with water, each with a lemon wedge. The hostess noted that it was time for the woman to get up from the table by making strong eye contact with the woman seated to the host’s right and then standing up. A nearby servant or gentleman opened the door for the woman to retreat into the living room while the men remained at the table for further conversation or retired to the library to enjoy a good cigar and a glass of port.
Victorian society dictated that each guest, whether attending or not, was to call the hostess in person within a week after the event to pay their respects. Custom allowed men who were too busy with business matters to send their card through their wife or another female relative.
Yes, it all seems like too much work just to enjoy a good meal, but these were different times when pomp and circumstance still held special significance. Who knows? Maybe we could use a little bit of that in our lives today.