A crash course in negotiation
As you go about your workday, do you take the time to negotiate the obstacles you regularly face, or do you just walk away in disgust?
Please don’t leave, come back and negotiate. Almost everything, in every aspect of your life, is negotiable. Having effective negotiation skills is the key. Especially in these difficult economic times, your ability to negotiate can mean the difference between success or ruin.
We negotiate transactions and conflicts, from which restaurant we choose for lunch to how we structure our businesses and our lives. Here are the nine things you need to know before you sit down for your next negotiation.
1. Every negotiation provides an opportunity for meaningful and positive interaction. So instead of viewing your negotiations as stressful hurdles, view them as possibility-seeking endeavors.
2. Negotiation is a process, not an event. A diagram of what a negotiation should look like includes four flowing phases. The first phase is individual planning, preparation and analysis. This is followed by relationship building; then an exchange of information that includes a first offer, persuasion, concessions and compromise; and finally, agreement.
3. Before you meet the person on the other end, prepare yourself. Do your homework. Find out as much as you can about your negotiating partner and what their interests might be. Get the facts and know your alternatives.
4. Prepare to deal with conflict by knowing yourself and your natural responses to conflict. If you are afraid of conflict, you may not be able to move forward in a difficult but necessary discussion. It is often better to respond without reacting. And while that may not be easy when you’re emotionally triggered, it can bring you significant benefits.
5. Work with the person on the other side, not against them. Use your best communication skills, be clear and concise. Ask open-ended questions, then be quiet and listen. Be flexible and open to unseen possibilities.
6. Try to understand cultural and personality factors that may affect the process, but don’t stereotype or pigeonhole.
7. Be prepared for dirty negotiation tactics. Dirty tactics fall into three categories: deliberate deception, psychological manipulation, and positional pressure maneuvers. When you’re up against a dirty bargainer (for example, the car salesman who leaves you sitting in a room for long periods of time) you have three options. You can identify and confront the dirty tactic, you can fall prey to it, or you can walk away. Make your decision based on the circumstances and your motivation. Remember, you choose your answer.
8. The balance of power is a critical component of all negotiations. When negotiating, always consider potential power imbalances and the differences between having ‘power over’ (coercion, control and domination) and having ‘power to’ (the ability to act, influence, say no). Also, consider the source of power, which can be money, position, rank, or personal power that emanates from a person’s individual characteristics. Finally, keep in mind that a more motivated negotiator can often overcome a lack of power.
9. There are five basic negotiation styles: compete, avoid, accommodate, compromise, and collaborate. Each style has strengths and weaknesses and can be effective at certain times, in certain situations, and with certain people. While each of us may have a preferred style, knowing when and how to use each style properly can produce the most successful results.
a) Competing works when the goal is to win and winning is more important than the relationship with the person on the other side.
b) Avoidance is effective when neither the end nor the relationship with the other party matters. When misused, important goals are put at risk and the opportunity to improve the connection with the person on the other end is lost. So use this strategy carefully.
c) Accommodating works best when the goal is to maintain relationships and please the other party.
d) Compromising is effective when you want to find a quick balance between reaching goals and building or maintaining a relationship.
e) Collaboration is effective when it is essential both to meet one’s own objectives and to improve a relationship. While this may seem like the ideal strategy, it is not appropriate for all situations; Collaboration can be time consuming and often requires a commitment to the process that is unrealistic unless there is a serious level of connection between the parties.
Finally, here is your assignment: keep learning about negotiation and about yourself as a negotiator. And then please write to me and tell me about your findings.