Aging and impatience: understanding is needed

I think I’m finding out… why older people are more impatient. I’m pretty sure this is something we all recognize. Just check out grocery stores, oil change places, pharmacies, etc. I think we have all witnessed situations where an older person is a little (?) impatient or abrupt with a salesperson or another customer. I always smirked, shook my head, and felt sorry for whoever was dealing with it. I think it’s accepted that older people are going to be like this one day and it’s assumed that it just happens as part of aging.

Well, now that I’m starting to get a little more impatient, I feel a little different about it. I like to think I was mostly tolerant of this behavior when I encountered it, but now I think I’m a bit more understanding as well. When you’re younger, you have all the time in the world… to go to school, hang out with friends, and maybe get a job. You get a little older, head off to college for more fun (and career preparation), or join the workforce and learn to blend your work life with the rest of your life. Some time after that, you may have your own family or have different social groups, other family, etc., keeping you busy. We’re all still pretty easygoing here, we just get along taking care of whatever we need to take care of. For the next 20 to 30 years, we work hard at everything we do, managing work, family, personal life, finances, and health issues. We do the best we can and we know that eventually all our hard work will pay off and we will be happy, retire and enjoy the rest of our lives.

Fast forward to that moment when you realize that retirement, whether desired or forced, is almost upon you. I now know that there is a lucky group of people wealthy enough not to even notice a change in lifestyle and carry on as usual. They can retire whenever they want, without worrying about the financial or health impacts of lack of money. Brilliant. They can enjoy their days, go out for lunch, play golf and enjoy activities with friends. Now they can also sulk, because everyone has things to deal with, but not in the same way. However, the other group, the ones that DO have financial concerns, aren’t nearly as much fun. I can say that most of the people I grew up with are not millionaires and many of us lost a lot of money (if any) in the past with the troubled economy. We are holding our breath every day trying to get by and weighing how many years we need money versus how many years of money we think we have. I’m not even talking here about those of us forced into retirement due to work or health problems. That just adds additional years of financial worry. Additionally, health insurance is either unavailable to us or prohibitively expensive; so many older people get by without them, essentially trading critical medical care and medicine for food or shelter. These health problems, in addition to the problems of aging, make life more difficult every day, sometimes to the point of disabling. Living every day in pain and worry, not being able to do the things you need to do, takes a toll on you…and your mood. No matter how optimistic you are, it will affect you. The fact that older people have no one else to trust, to help them, either emotionally or physically, is unthinkable. Unfortunately, many older people live with this reality; their adult children are busy with their own lives and just don’t take the time or effort to help. Our government programs are simply shameful and inadequate, forcing people to make decisions that no one should have to make and live lives based on fear and powerlessness.

I know this article took a dark turn here, but it doesn’t even come close to the reality that many of our older generations experience on a daily basis. Most of us don’t think twice about other people’s problems until we experience them ourselves. Of course, we should be more tolerant of everyone and try to consider other people’s circumstances that we know nothing about, but maybe this will help when you find someone arguing with the pharmacist about the cost of their medicine or worried about that 25- hundreds coupon. Take a moment and try to understand why. It’s not fun for them either and we don’t need to do anything to make their day (or life) worse. Being patient and kind is the least we can do.