coping with a new baby
Making the decision to have children is not easy, however at some point in our lives many of us do it. Having a new person added to the family can cause significant changes in the dynamics of a relationship. What we were used to before becomes surreal and almost impossible. Many couples find that the preparations and research that take place are often minor compared to the events that they actually experience.
In a Relationship, we are used to having our moments of tranquility for ourselves, to relax and enjoy the company of our partner without interruptions. The solitude and tranquility that are so easily attainable in couple relationships often become non-existent with the arrival of a new baby. While joining the family is greeted with joy and happiness, the work that follows is often unexpected and poorly planned.
The new baby wakes up every two to three hours to feed and may not want to go back to sleep afterward. Couples unlucky enough to have reflux or colicky babies may soon forget what it was like to sleep. She can walk around feeling like a zombie, not knowing what time it is or what day it is. Her ability to think diminishes, with irrational thoughts slowly creeping into her mind, causing her stress levels to rise and her emotions to intensify. When the baby finally naps, you start to develop a sense of paranoia. Every little noise made is answered with an urgent and almost desperate ‘silence’. Visiting families and friends must go through a ritual process of calling before they arrive, just to make sure they don’t interrupt mom and dad’s precious rest or sleep.
As the days turn into weeks, the lack of sleep begins to kick in and couples often feel bewildered and irrational. Fights break out, with each partner finding a reason to argue why they’re more tired than the other or doing most of the work. Mothers often argue that they are with the baby all day and have little time for themselves. When the baby naps, there are chores and chores to complete. Parents, on the other hand, argue that after a night of disturbed sleep, they should wake up and go to work. Your quality of work is affected by lack of sleep and stress. Despite the arguments made by both mothers and fathers, the introduction of a baby creates great tension for both parties. So how do you deal with your little bundle of joy without feeling like killing yourself or running away?
The answer is routine. All babies and children require a routine, and although it takes some time to develop this routine, it is a blessing when it develops. Similarly, couples also require a routine to be effective parents and maintain a positive relationship with each other. Make sure your baby adopts a feeding pattern. Once that is established, you will be able to plan when your baby will need a feeding and sleeping pattern. This may take some time, as babies like to feed on demand. Let’s face it, they have mighty little lungs and like to put on a show when they’re hungry. Some mothers find it beneficial to give their babies more formula if they still seem hungry or restless after being fed. Sometimes this can be the case and giving them a little ‘filler’ doesn’t hurt.
When your baby has an eating pattern, begin to develop a sleeping pattern. Your baby may fall asleep shortly after feeding or while she feeds him. Make sure your baby is burped to avoid waking up in the wind, then put him down to sleep. Give your baby a bath earlier rather than later at night. Let them play or use this time to spend with them. Your partner may come home from work and do this as part of their routine. Before going to bed, feed your baby his last meal of the night and then get some sleep. If you find that your baby just likes to be put down, you may want to consider the cry control method.
Not all parents like this because it seems cruel, however, sometimes allowing your baby to cry for a few minutes before being picked up will allow them to develop a better sleep routine. As a parent, you will soon learn to distinguish between the different types of crying. She learns that her baby will cry a certain way when she is hungry, and cry a different way when she is in pain, etc. Sometimes your baby will just cry because she wants to be held. Holding your baby and bonding and developing attachment is fine, in fact it is important to do this, however always picking your baby up at the first sign of weakness will encourage him to want to be held always, and for a parent this can be exhausting
Coping with change is not an easy task to do. You may notice that you and your partner are facing more arguments as a result of increased stress and lack of sleep. As a parent it is also important to take care of yourself. Make a rule that each member of the couple can have some time to themselves once a week while the other parent cares for the baby. Also, it is important to make time for each other. This provides a perfect opportunity for grandparents to get involved. Host a night together once a fortnight or once a month and let the grandparents spend some time with their grandchild. They will love this and so will you. You can have a night out followed by some well deserved zzzs.
While having a child can be a life-changing experience, it is also a time in your life that brings great joy and happiness. Couples often gain a sense of fulfillment with the arrival of their child. The relationship is affirmed and links are created beyond the promises and vows of commitment made. The creation of a child creates an invisible but definitive bond between husband and wife, and for many, it is this bond alone that establishes the strength and intensity of a relationship.
Having a baby will undoubtedly change your life significantly. Routines and activities that were once a part of your life as a couple may no longer be present as your baby takes them on as before. Time management, shared work, and commitment are vital to ensuring that both you and your partner enjoy the things you once did, both individually and as a couple. The arrival of a baby not only brings changes, but also brings with it the joy, laughter and happiness that only parents experience.