Does an emotional affair mean that a man is in love with the other woman and wants to be with her?

Sometimes I hear from wives who have discovered that their husband has had an emotional affair. Most of the time, the husband will insist that nothing physical and inappropriate happened. He may even tell you that he is not attracted to this other woman.

But of course, the wives have their doubts about it. Many wives worry that an emotional affair is actually the precursor to a physical affair.

A wife might ask, “Does my husband having an emotional affair with a co-worker mean he has a crush on her? I saw an email between them that made me feel uncomfortable, so I checked all the emails between them. It’s obvious that this was an emotional affair. There is no indication that they have ever gotten together physically or outside of work. But they clearly depend on each other emotionally and tell each other about their families, their marriages, and their hopes and dreams. There are some very personal things in these emails. When I confronted my husband, he said they were just good friends. I insisted it was more than that. And then I quoted some of the emails and my husband turned bright red. He was clearly embarrassed and embarrassed And I finally got him to admit that it was essentially an emotional and inappropriate affair, so I asked my husband if he was in love with the other woman. and if he wanted something else. His answer was no. , she just enjoyed her friendship and that he is not even remotely attracted to her. I looked her up on the internet, and frankly, she’s not even that pretty. So I want to believe my husband. But it’s difficult. Why would I put all this time and effort into the relationship if it’s just going to be a friendship?”

I understand your preocupation. I agree with you. If a man is meeting his needs for someone else, even if these are not physical or sexual needs, it will damage his marriage. And if these needs are met in secret, trust is eroded.

I am by no means an expert. I can only tell you what I see and hear based on correspondence and research. Many affairs begin as emotional bonds. The two people have no intention of cheating, but instead get closer and closer until there comes a point where they have the opportunity or desire to take it even further. This doesn’t always happen, of course, but even once is too many.

Understand the difference between the appropriate and inappropriate employment relationship: I can’t tell you that there are no emotional issues that are still strictly emotional in nature. Exist. Sometimes, over time, one or both of you realize that you really aren’t compatible. Or the relationship eventually stops providing the emotional reward. These relationships will usually end naturally and will not progress.

And it’s possible that two co-workers of the opposite sex are just friends. I have had male mentors in the past. And there was absolutely nothing inappropriate about these relationships. In today’s workplace, people are required to work closely together to do a good job. But sometimes it’s obvious when this crosses the line. And the fact that her husband was embarrassed by the emails could be a sign that she definitely crossed the line. If your spouse is not welcome to listen to phone calls or read emails between you and your co-workers, then this is a red flag.

Here’s another thing to consider. Sometimes people who have had physical affairs will fully admit that the “other person” is not their type. They will admit that the other person is not as attractive as their spouse, but that it was not physical attraction that drew them to the other person, but something else.

People sometimes report a connection that isn’t just about sex. Or they will tell you that they felt understood and appreciated by the other person. The truth is that people cheat for emotional as well as physical reasons. So just because you’re not wildly attracted to the other woman doesn’t always mean there won’t be a physical relationship in the future.

Safeguarding your marriage: So how do you make sure this relationship doesn’t turn physical? You work on your marriage and try to make sure your husband feels connected to you. And you try to make sure that he understands what is inappropriate in the relationship and why.

This isn’t always possible, but it’s ideal if your husband can work in another department or with someone else so you don’t always have to be together. If this is not possible, try to find your husband for lunch and visit him from time to time. Let the other woman see you and know that you are a great reality. And encourage your husband to come straight home after work.

Counseling can also be very beneficial here. Anything you can do to make your marriage your preferred place to get your emotional needs met is important. I can’t stress this enough. You cannot control what happens between your husband and the other woman while you are both at work. But you can control what happens between the two of you at home. You can fight for your marriage if that’s what you want.

But to answer the original question, an emotional affair does not always mean that your husband is in love with the other woman. But I think most people would agree that it is a very legitimate cause for concern. It is not something to ignore. Because sometimes, it’s the precursor to a physical adventure if it doesn’t stop.