Empowerment – With Words
Understanding the power of words and expressions is a powerful and empowering awareness. It’s challenging to examine our habits in terms of the words and phrases we use, but it’s also exciting.
There are many words and phrases that are used without considering their full meaning or impact. They are used simply because they have been accepted as common knowledge, colloquial language related to a cultural or ethnic region, and a convenient way of expressing a thought. Although our ideals may progress, our language maintains some phrases that are detrimental to our well-being. Phrases like:
o Children don’t cry……. Children also have feelings until someone tells them they shouldn’t.
o Don’t be a fag… Boys need to process their feelings just as much as girls.
o Kids will be kids… Kids will be kids and will look to adults to set limits and provide ‘What To Do’ guidance.
o Anxious Child…..Children whose feelings are rarely processed react with anxiety.
o Good boy…………Praise is important, however, it must be specific.
o Lazy child………… Children are highly motivated, they need to be guided and encouraged, depending on their age and experience.
o Problem child……..Children are never ‘the problem’. The father needs to learn to be the father the child needs, not the other way around.
o Stubborn child… Same explanation as above.
o Rebellious child… Same explanation as above.
o Illegitimate Son… Every human being is a son of God; therefore, how can a child be illegitimate?
o When you grow up to be a mother, you___…. This statement implies that girls need to be mothers in order to have an identity. The healthy statement is: What do you want to do to earn money when you grow up or graduate from college?
or What do you want to be when you grow up?…This question implies that a person is nobody, until they have a label–ie doctor, lawyer, laborer, trucker, etc.) is– What do you want to be? do to earn money when you grow up or graduate from college?
o Should/shouldn’t… If you/I want____, you/I need___.
o You have to/must………..If you/I want to____. You/I will have to ____.
or Why/Why not…? Ask questions: when, what, where, who, which, how?
o You always……..Usually____ o Usually_____.
o You never……….You rarely____.
o If only____………..In the future, if ______please______ or consider____.
o Yes, but _____……Paraphrase what you heard (Pause, take a deep breath). Give an explanation. Avoid making excuses.
While these phrases are used without harmful intent, they are inherently negative. Children are especially sensitive to these types of phrases, which can stick with them for a lifetime, negatively affecting their self-image and undermining their self-esteem. If the person doesn’t recognize the negative impact of it, they pass it on to the next generation, the biggest sin of all. When you recognize the negative impact of words and phrases, you can create positive change by choosing to use affirmative and positive words/phrases.
Language is the easiest and most effective way we can exercise our free will, creating positive change in the world around us simply by carefully choosing the words we use. It may seem like a small, inconsequential thing, but our words have a ripple effect, like a stone thrown into a pond. People naturally pick up on the way other people speak, consciously or unconsciously changing the way they speak in response. You don’t need to actively work to influence people; it takes place without even thinking about it. All you need to do is choose to be more mindful and conscientious, eliminating words and phrases that are silly, insensitive, or hurtful. You can create new phrases that carry positive and loving energy to replace the old ones.
You may know phrases that you would like to remove from your language/vocabulary. Now that you’re thinking about it, you might notice more. As you consciously choose not to use these words/phrases, he may feel lighter and happier, knowing that he has chosen to leave behind baggage that was passed on to him from a less conscious source. By doing so, you elevate the language/vocabulary for future generations, who would appreciate you if they knew the gift you gave them.