How do I know if my husband no longer loves me?
I recently received an email from a wife who strongly suspected that her husband no longer loved her. She had tried to discuss this with him many times. But on almost every occasion, she denied that anything was wrong. Sure, she would admit, they had been married for a while and were no longer all over each other like people who had just become lovers. But this did not mean that they no longer loved each other.
The wife was simply not convinced. Not only did her husband no longer show him much affection, but he seldom told her that he loved her and seemed to make many excuses to be away from her and from her home. In short, they were simply not spending quality time together, her husband was beginning to avoid her, and the wife felt extremely lonely within her own marriage.
The wife wanted to know if she was just seeing problems that didn’t exist, or if there was a way to tell if her husband no longer loved her. Although she cannot witness her husband’s feelings, see into her heart, or know precisely what she is thinking, there are some signs that the marriage has lost some of the loving feelings. I will discuss more about this matter in the following article.
A husband will usually show his love through actions rather than words: Men are generally not open communicators in the way that women are. While it may seem perfectly natural for us to put our romantic feelings into words, men have a harder time with this. So while her husband may not say “I love you” several times a day, he will usually show it by his actions. This can be through small gestures like brushing an arm, or making you a cup of coffee in the morning, or opening your car door, or even maintaining eye contact and giving you a smile that’s only for you.
Sure, just about every wife I know would love to hear “I love you” a lot more often, but sometimes if you can see the gestures and actions he provides, you can start to see that he is, in fact, saying that he still loves you relatively often, it’s just that he says it through the way he acts rather than the words he says.
When you’re not looking at the actions that show your husband still loves you: the avoidance culture: However, with these things being said, I often hear from wives who will respond to the above explanation with something like, “Well, that’s great. I understand that this may be the case in some marriages. But you don’t understand. He doesn’t understand.” show love for him through his actions either. He pretty much just avoids me. No eye contact or hand holding or door opening. There is nothing. It’s like we’re roommates or acquaintances, but nothing more.”
It is absolutely understandable to be concerned in this situation. Because even when you’ve been married for a long time, most people who love, care about, and respect their spouses will display these behaviors and actions at least some of the time, since doing so is just a natural reaction and response that flowing. for loving feelings. If you’re not seeing these things, the worst thing you can do is just ignore them, try to convince yourself that you’re imagining things, or take their denials as fact because you want to believe them.
Even if you are looking at the darker side of things, all marriages can improve in closeness and intimacy. If you overreach and the two of you are closer as a result, what’s the harm in that? Of course, most husbands will deny that there is a problem because they do not want to deal with the consequences of this admission. They know full well that you’re going to want them to talk about their feelings and deal with them, and many men want to avoid that.
Sometimes the culture of marriage has stagnated and is now one of avoidance. Nobody wants to say what has become obvious, so both people just walk away. In this situation there is usually not much fighting, conflict or anger, but also not much intimacy, affection or closeness.
When I have men come to my blog and admit that they have become a bit distant and lukewarm with their wives, they often offer more details about how marriage has changed over time. They are usually quite disappointed because their perception is that both spouses take each other for granted and don’t have as much fun anymore. Many of them tell me that their wives don’t seem to have time for them anymore and that the marriage has become very stale and repetitive. There isn’t much light-hearted fun and playful behavior like there used to be in the beginning.
I am not saying that the husbands’ perceptions are correct. I suspect their point of view is meant to paint them as the victim, but they fully believe what they say. And, for our purposes, that’s all that matters. Usually, as a result of this disappointment, the husband will begin to withdraw and deny affection from him. He may not even be aware of this, but usually his thought process is one of disappointment. And this is typically what you’re seeing, even when he tells you that you’re imagining it. Often, if he can begin to change some of the priorities and patterns or habits in the marriage, he will see gestures, actions, and feelings change as well.
Look, usually it’s not that your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Both might well believe this to be true. But usually, it’s that he (or even both) have changed their priorities and time allocation. Therefore, it is usually the marriage that is not bearing the fruits that it used to. But none of the people in this marriage have changed. Therefore, it is less likely that the core feelings have changed regarding the other person. However, your interactions with that other person will definitely have changed and this usually causes a distance that is mistaken for “falling out of love.”
So what can you do about it? Well, since her husband is likely to resist, she will often have to take the initiative. Usually, she can start by changing her time allocation and priorities. You can show him the best version of yourself and try to focus on the positive. I tried to resist further asking her about her feelings. Instead, focus on showing him the way you would like him to act towards you by showing him the kind of affection that you yourself want.
He’ll likely be pleasantly surprised that you’re focusing on him, and will gradually follow your lead as a result. This can be a gradual process, but usually if you hang in there and give him more of what he wants, you’ll also get more of what you want.