Manipulating the truth – Gaslighting 101
Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person makes a victim question reality. It is used to gain power and control. It is very effective and can lead someone to question her own sanity. The methods vary, but the goal is to destroy the victim’s sense of identity through constant, multi-layered ‘attacks’.
A disturbed person whose early needs were generally not met will spend their entire life trying to diminish and destroy another person’s light. Anywhere the target shines is where the darkness strikes. A strong faith is mocked. A clean person will be accused of filth. A minor flaw will be exploited. Trying to recruit accomplices is always part of the plan.
Weakened the victim; force others to avoid them. That is the modus operandi. The attacker becomes strong when the target is sick, dependent, or afflicted. My sister knew that my Achilles heel was fear of homelessness and love for my rescued animals. Both were constantly threatened or challenged.
I had never been to a therapist in my life and my sister put me in the psych room. After a short time experiencing the toxic atmosphere between my mother and older sister, I became unbalanced myself. Soon, I took a drink to block it all out. The constant fighting and backstabbing in our house was disgusting.
Mom needed me there to continue living in her house and the entire camp needed a caretaker. I took the project and gave it everything I had, almost my life. I grew in my faith and we ended up rescuing dozens of animals during our time on the place we call Misfit Island.
Police would get calls that he was abusing mom and show up in groups of four with guns drawn. They were told that she had her locked inside her and that she was holding her against her will. She was sitting home alone watching Star Trek one time. She took two days to calm Mom down after that episode. Sis denied that it happened.
The term ‘gaslighting’ comes from an old movie of the same name in which a husband tried to convince his wife that she was crazy. Recently, the term has resurfaced as mental illnesses continue to go untreated and many continue to be targeted.
The aggressors become unbalanced and try to win him back for control. The victim provides a sense of mastery for the sick ego and self-esteem of the perpetrator. Changing facts to diminish or degrade is normal.
I shone too brightly at my mom’s funeral and my sister was furious. She decided that the day was to honor herself. The next day, I received an anonymous message that if I didn’t leave the property within 72 hours, my animals would disappear one by one until I did. I was terrified. As I was contemplating moving, the police showed up with an eviction notice.
A judge gave me 5 days to evict and they identified me as a trespasser. He had to demonstrate the power he had over my life and even told people that he had ‘my life in his hands’. I heard he thought about getting a restraining order so he could present himself as a victim.
I am starting over after helping mom on the final leg of her journey. There is no safe way to consider interacting with my sister. It’s too toxic and I feel like I’m in danger. His anger has no limit.
Staying away from the gaslighter and maintaining strict privacy was my response. Others may need more protection. Share if it happens to you. Isolating the victim is key to a ‘successful’ gaslighter. The worst mistake I made was to remain silent and wait for everything to pass.