My spouse insisted on separating, now he wants to go home, should I let him go so easily?

There may be some resentment when you begged your husband not to seek a separation and, in the end, it turned out that you were right. I must admit that many reluctantly separated wives fantasize about their husband crawling back and admit it was a mistake to part in the first place. Very few of us have made this fantasy come true. But those who do may wonder how to handle it. Because it can be tempting to want to teach your husband a lesson. After all, you told him that parting ways was a mistake, but he refused to listen to you and pressed him anyway. Now he has turned his family upside down and been through a painful and avoidable experience. Shouldn’t you be aware of this? And how should you respond when your estranged husband crawls back?

A wife might say, “I begged my husband not to move. Honestly, I spent weeks trying to convince him that separating was a mistake. My husband is the type of person who tends to think that the grass is always greener elsewhere. place. he was romanticizing being apart. And he knew reality was not going to be what he wanted. He also knew he was greatly exaggerating our problems. Yes, things have changed between us, but it seemed very premature to just separate before that we tried to figure things out. I presented all of these facts to her over and over again, emphasizing that she was still involved in our marriage. And yet none of this seemed to matter to her … And then about four weeks later, she called and asked me. He confessed that he was right and that it was a mistake to part us. He basically said that he had made his point clear, that he sees that he was no happier without me and that now he is ready to go home. My initial reaction is to be r al ivy or gloat. I can’t forget how much I begged him to stay and how he almost ignored me. I have considered telling him that I am not ready for him to come home simply to teach him a lesson. He needs to take decisions more seriously, especially when they affect other people besides himself. Some of my friends say that I should give him a pass for the sake of my marriage, but I hate that idea. It’s like he can decide our fate on a whim and then change his mind, while I just have to go with the flow. His decision broke my heart and I want him to realize it. I want him to learn his lesson. “

I completely understand where you come from. I also felt some resentment over my husband’s decision to move and separate from me. Unfortunately, I never had the luxury of him begging me to come back, so I can’t say how I could have handled it. Because it looked like we were going to get divorced, she probably would have accepted it in any way she could. I was desperate to save my marriage. And for a while, it seemed like this just wouldn’t be possible.

I found that while it is very tempting to keep score, doing so doesn’t really serve you or your marriage. It simply reinforces hurts and hurt feelings, while damaging an already fragile marriage. There’s nothing to say that you can’t share your frustration in wasted time, but I wouldn’t rub salt on the wound or risk your reconciliation just to make a point. You want to think about the long-term implications of whatever you are doing. You should also make sure that your husband is not rushing into a decision because of his emotions.

That is why I would suggest responding with something like this: “I am relieved that you discovered that the grass was not greener outside of our marriage. But I also know that you were so unhappy before that I couldn’t convince you to stay. Which is why I think it would be. Better for us to make it easier for him to get home. Why don’t we start by letting him stay here on the weekends? That way, we can see how things are going and don’t make another abrupt decision. “

This answer does a lot of things for you. It means that your husband will see what it feels like to abide by someone else’s decision. You are not going home immediately, as requested. But better than that, it means you’re not rushing into anything. And if your husband returns home and finds that old problems are coming back, he will have time to make some adjustments, as he will gradually return. The last thing you want is for him to come back abruptly and then feel unhappy again. So it is better for both of them to do it again. This way, you might think twice the next time you want to make a hasty decision. You will definitely learn a lesson. And you will not jeopardize your reconciliation.