My wife told me that she hates me and wants to get a divorce! – How can I save my marriage?
A good friend of mine called me a while back and was pretty upset. “My wife told me that she hates me and wants a divorce,” he said. “How can I save my marriage?” It was sad to hear because I am friends with both of them and I hated knowing that they were having problems. We talked for about an hour and I shared what I had experienced when my own marriage was almost over and the incredible secret I learned that would change everything.
Don’t spend a lot of time worrying about your wife telling you that she “hates” you. It is an emotional reaction based on her unhappiness in the marriage. Many spouses have made similar statements out of sheer frustration. In no way do I want to leave you with the impression that this is not serious business! Any time things have gotten to the point where one spouse is talking about divorce, you have a serious situation and it requires immediate action. Just don’t get caught up in negative emotions. You will have to be in the most resourceful state possible!
If you find yourself in a similar situation in your own marriage, there are a few things you should know. The most common reaction when faced with an unwanted divorce is to try to talk your spouse out of it in any way possible. This rarely works. In fact, it will usually drive your spouse further away, give away any power she may still have in the relationship, and make you look less attractive. I learned this firsthand in my own marriage and have seen it played out time and time again with other couples I have counseled.
Here is the secret to saving your marriage:
1. Avoid the common mistakes that will ruin your chance to save the marriage. Don’t blame yourself or your wife. Don’t beg or beg. Don’t let anger or emotion cloud your thinking.
2. Love your wife enough to let her go. That’s how it is! The more you push, the more she will move away from her. Allow the natural and necessary space to occur between you.
3. Do not stubbornly cling to the idea that you can solve this problem on your own. Don’t be afraid to get help from an expert who specializes in saving marriages, not couples counseling. There is a difference!
4. Be willing to act to save your marriage! There is a proven step-by-step plan available to you, but you have to use it! The best plan in the world is worthless if it is not used.