Raising the Traumatized Child – Seven Tips
Unfortunately, there are many types of trauma that children experience. In the Child Wellbeing Trauma Training Tool, 14 types of trauma are identified, five of which are listed here. The seven tips listed below keep in mind the five most common types of childhood trauma: (1) physical abuse that occurs when a child is injured as a result of being hit, burned, kicked, or shaken; (2) neglect that occurs when a child’s basic needs (food, clothing, shelter, medical care, and education) are not met; (3) sexual abuse occurs when an adult or older child engages a younger child in a sexual act and includes exposing a child to pornography, fondling, groping, sexual intercourse, and rape; (4) emotional abuse including verbal abuse; and (5) “systems-induced trauma” that occurs as a result of a child being removed from their home to be placed in foster care. It is important to realize that the mere fact that a child has been removed from her home, placed in foster care, and separated from parents, siblings, and friends is traumatic.
It’s also important to know that you, as a caregiver, are critical to your child’s recovery. The help your child needs is from you as a parent or caregiver. If you are currently raising a traumatized child, here are seven tips to help you understand the child in her care. If your child’s needs are more than she can handle, seek help from a mental health professional.
Tip #1: Know the signs of trauma and be observant. Children who have experienced abuse often have extreme and sudden changes in their behavior. If you are a foster or adoptive parent, you may not know how or if your child’s behavior has changed, or if the behavior you see is normal for a child their age. Therefore, it is important to listen when your child speaks and to be attentive to her behavior when it seems that he is misbehaving. Take note of what happened before, during, and after the negative behavior in an effort to determine the cause. If the negative behavior is extreme in relation to the cause, or if there seems to be no apparent reason, the behavior could be a manifestation of trauma. Some of the behavioral signs of trauma are unprovoked anger (shown by hitting, throwing objects, biting, fighting), self-injurious behaviors, unexplained fears, crying for no apparent reason; Being overly anxious, easily upset, or easy to start. Traumatized children do not know the correct way to react to typical, everyday situations. They need to be taught. The best way to teach children is to model the correct way of doing things.
Tip #2: Delay discipline (Perry, 2001). For every child there should be rules and consequences for breaking the rules. However, because traumatized children don’t know the right thing to do, delaying discipline may be the best way to help them. Children of trauma may behave at an age considerably younger than their biological age, both emotionally and socially. These children may lack the social skills that another child their age has successfully mastered. Mastery of social skills is important to the healing process. Take the time to understand why your child behaves the way she does and where these behaviors come from before making a decision about how to discipline him.
As noted above, in many cases it can be beneficial to model the behavior you want your child to learn (Perry, 2001), by talking to him while showing him what you would like him to do, rather than disciplining him. . For example, your son may need to be taught to share when he wants to play alone with her toys, or a boy may take what she wants without asking permission. A child not following directions is not necessarily challenging, but it may indicate that the child is easily confused and unable to remember what was asked. As your child begins to master these skills, rules and consequences can be enforced when problem behavior occurs.
Tip #3: Give your kids options and let them make the final decision. When children have been abused or neglected, there is a sense of helplessness. They soon learn that they have no control in these abusive situations and can become extremely anxious. Children need to have some sense of control in their lives. Giving them choices helps restore a child’s sense of control, which also helps rekindle her mental and emotional development. Your child will be happy because he will have a sense of control in choosing what he wants to do.
Tip #4: Provide structure. Children of trauma often have problems with attachment. For children with attachment problems, change is difficult (Perry, 2001). This fact makes structure and routine important. Establishing a fixed time for getting up in the morning, going to bed at night and everything else is imperative for these children. It is also of great importance to notify them in advance if this established schedule is about to change.
Tip #5: Create a healing environment. Abused and neglected children have a great need to feel safe, secure and cared for. Having a feeling of being protected is crucial. Children who lack support after a traumatic event suffer more than those who have support from family or friends. If they have been removed from their homes, that security is lost leaving them feeling lost and alone. These children need to know that someone cares about what happens to them. Therefore, it is important that you, as a caregiver, help your child feel safe. One way to help a child who has been sexually abused feel safe and secure is to create a safety plan. Although this child may be a stranger in her home, it is important that she care for, comfort, and love him appropriately. Like all children, these children need to be loved unconditionally.
Tip #6: Be a good listener. If your child doesn’t want to talk about what happened, don’t force him. Let the child bring up the subject on his own. Often, however, children need to speak up and simply be heard. Depending on the child’s age, they may not even need you to respond. However, if your child wants to talk, be prepared to listen. The child talking about the trauma is part of the healing process. Let the children express how they feel on their own terms and individually. Listen, but don’t judge. Believing your story is important. If you are a foster parent or adoptive parent, it is best not to ask questions as an investigation may be pending. Just listen. However, you can assure them that what happened was not their fault and that you are there to support them.
Tip #7: Consider therapy. Children may not show signs of trauma right away, but the signs may show up some time later. If children who have been traumatized do not receive treatment, their traumatized state can interfere with their development with long-lasting consequences. Traumatized children may have regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting when they have already learned to go to the toilet or potty; or an older child who acts or talks like a baby who has just learned to speak. Early intervention is important. Seek professional help not only for your child, but also for yourself so that you can respond appropriately to your child’s special needs and avoid feeling overwhelmed.
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References
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (North Dakota). Child Welfare Trauma Referral Tool. Retrieved April 21, 2007 from http://www.nctsnet.org.
Perry, Bruce D., MD, PhD (2001). [Electronic version]. Bonding and Attachment in Abused Children: Consequences of Emotional Neglect in Childhood. Childhood Trauma Academy, pp. 7, 8, 9. Retrieved from http://www.childtrauma.org.