Short Story Writing: Ten Beginnings to Avoid
In the same way that publishers don’t want to see an ending they’ve seen before, likewise, there are some story beginnings that have been made to death. Here are ten you shouldn’t use.
“It was a dark and stormy night.”
The “weather report” tactic. Not only is it a lazy way to start a story, but this was voted “The worst opening in history of all time.”
“I hadn’t seen her at the bar before. She was pale, but interesting.”
The “vampire recruitment tactic” Or maybe they are a werewolf, an alien, or a serial killer. Or maybe the narrator is not what he seems. Either way, the story turns out the same, and the editor will have given up long before reaching the end.
“The piercing-eyed man with the pointed beard asked ‘What would you pay to have your heart’s desire?”
The old “Devil’s Pact” tactic. Try this only if you have really sold your soul for fame and fortune; all other permutations have been done years ago.
“I thought I was supposed to be in Las Vegas, so I was surprised to see …”
Almost as old as the devil’s pact stories is the “I spoke to a ghost” tactic. The cavemen probably told this story to each other around their campfires. And do you think an editor hasn’t heard it?
“I woke up in the dark, and all I could feel was velvet on top of me, and wood underneath.”
The “buried alive” tactic. Those cavemen probably knew this one too. A variation is the “Sixth Sense” tactic where the narrator is already dead. Do you think the editor didn’t see the movie?
“They gave me a very good review, and I swore my revenge at that point.”
The “Clint Eastwood” tactic. This is usually a sign that you are going to be explicitly violent. Even if the publisher wants that kind of thing, they will want a better plot than this.
“I’ve always felt strange around the time of the full moon.”
The “werewolf” tactic. Even Michael Jackson knows the effects of the moon on certain people, and do you know how isolated he is from reality?
“I had a strange feeling when I saw the sarcophagus arrive at the warehouse.”
The tactic of the “mummy”. Even more dated since the recent blockbuster movies. Lots of wobbly bandages just don’t hack it into the 21st century.
“The red-haired FBI agent turned to her partner and said …”
Editors watch TV too, you know? The only place to submit these, and those related to teen vampire hunters, is to fan-fiction websites. Even there you have to have an original plot. Episode replays just won’t do it.
“What would you do if I gave you three wishes?”
The “goblin” tactic. And guess what, the protagonist got screwed on the third wish. The editor will be asleep before you hit wish number two.
There are a limited number of good ideas floating around. Remember, if you’ve seen something like it before, the publisher will have, too. Try to make sure your idea is original.
So you only have to worry about the middle and the end, but they are two completely different items.