Spiritual expansion: feeling comfortable in my own skin

From the beginning of conscious memory, I didn’t feel like I fit in or belonged anywhere. I always felt like she was just visiting no matter where she was. No place felt like home. It was more like he was observing people, places, and situations.

In many ways I felt lost and alone. Friends were hard to dare to keep. The emotions and experiences affected me more deeply than most, if not all the people around me.

I was often challenged to see things differently. As a child I was considered outspoken. Having my opinion of how things should be caused me frustration, bitterness, feelings of betrayal, and even anger.

For many years there was a very tall and thick brick wall behind which I hid my heart, my Spirit, my uniqueness. Things still hurt me, people still misunderstood me, and my heart was still broken. Instead of learning to deal with the real me, I hid behind a sharp tongue full of anger.

I attracted abusive partners as a way to keep my human self in line as an attempt to be like everyone else, to be normal. At some point I remember making a conscious decision to stop being angry. Hiding behind a wall didn’t protect me from the very things I wanted and needed protection from. It just wasn’t working.

My perception of my childhood is filled with not being loved enough, never being good enough no matter how hard I tried. Today I am pleased to share with you that through years of soul searching and much self-healing, my relationships with my birth family have healed.

I chose to step out from behind the brick wall I’d built around myself, even though at that point I no longer knew who I was. There was a lot of doubt, insecurity and confusion as to why I was in a place that is sometimes extremely harsh on every level and in every possible way.

During the fall of 1989, my mom introduced me to crystals through a book called The Spiritual Value of Crystals and Gemstones. I not only read that book, I devoured it and everything it had to offer. I started using crystals for their metaphysical healing properties.

I taught myself how to channel energy long before I ever heard of Reiki or knew what it was or how it worked. I practiced with friends and family every time I had the changes. Channeling energy, like many things I would discover later, came naturally.

There was still little clarity about my purpose and why I was here. If someone told me what my purpose was, I could surely find out the rest. If only someone or something would point me in the right direction, everything would be fine. Maybe then he would be lovable, accepted, and valuable to someone.

I read many books, meditated and worked on myself. I tried many techniques and yet nothing really fit. He was closer with each step forward, yet he knew there was something more.

In 2005, I discovered a coffee shop here in El Paso, Texas called Butterflies of Wisdom. The moment I walked in I felt like I had come home. I met other Seekers, Lightworkers and Healers.

We all believed a little differently, saw, heard and felt things a little different from each other. The most important thing for me is how everyone accepted themselves and each other without judgment, without conditions.

This amazing coffee shop and its amazing owners, Carlos Luis González and Scott Centers, provided a safe haven, an environment for this lost soul. I began to bloom little by little. I started taking classes, many, many classes. My thirst to understand my Life Purpose was insatiable. I kept studying, reading books, meditating and working on forgiveness and self-healing.

With each step forward, I discovered more about who I am and how to assimilate my truth, walk my own talk while remaining authentic to my core essence, my true self.

Since those first classes, I have consciously expanded my sense of consciousness and my intuitive gifts. Expansion came at a cost. I was already very sensitive to energy, mine and all the energy around me. Sometimes it was more than I could handle and it overwhelmed me.

As I walked through another energy portal, I taught myself to balance, integrate, and assimilate the widening gap between my energetic vibration and the energy of others around me. I ordered and created filters to protect myself from absorbing unwanted energy and thoughts from those around me.

I’ve been where you are. I understand the deep pain at the Soul level of not knowing why you are here, of not knowing what your purpose is or how to fulfill your Life Purpose. Our circumstances are different; the pain at the level of the soul that is felt in the heart is the same.

My sole purpose for being here in this realm at this time is to radiate unconditional love and light from Source so that I may assist you in fulfilling your Life Purpose.