Top 3 Signs You’re Ready to Swing!
One question I get asked repeatedly is “how do we know if we’re ready?” Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as doing it when you see a pop-up window like a well-done turkey indicator, or an alarm that goes off saying “it’s time” so you know it’s time to strip down and join in the fun.
It’s also important to note that sometimes “almost ready” is quite ready; if I had waited to do things until I was 100% sure, then there is a long list of things I would never have tried and many things I would have missed. Mr Wonderful wasn’t 100% swinging, but when we got into it, it got ready and now it’s part of our regular lives (if you can call it that).
So while it’s not a simple “yes, we’re ready,” there are signs to let you know that you can at least start dipping your toes in the shallow end of the spinning pool. Although these are not the only signs, they are the most important and must be present before making the final decision.
1. BOTH are curious! Let’s face it, if only one of you is interested in checking it out, then you as a couple are not ready. Entering this lifestyle for someone else, or dragging your partner into it (potentially kicking and screaming) is more likely to cause additional problems than keep everyone happy. Sometimes it takes a while for the second partner to arrive, but if you’re patient and allow them to do what they have to do so they’re comfortable with the idea of trying, then when they’re ready, you. Both are ready to go (as long as the following two signs are present).
2. You can effectively communicate your thoughts AND feelings, and you both actively resolve problems as they arise. You are about to take your relationship into new territory and you will never know how you will react until you are. on the situation. You can’t account for everything that might make you feel frustrated, uncomfortable, or even jealous (trust me, even those who aren’t normally jealous have been jealous for one reason or another). If you have excellent communication skills and strategies together, no matter what comes up, you will be able to get through it, even if each experience strengthens your relationship instead of damaging it.
3. You can read your partner! If you have been together long enough, after a while you can tell what mood your partner is in by looking at them or observing their behavior. Being able to read each other can be a great relationship protector when you get involved in an exchange situation if one of you is not doing well. I think this is the criteria new couples often lack because they haven’t been together long enough to know each other’s signs or behaviors. It’s not enough to ask your partner if they’re okay and move on if they say yes, because sometimes they’re not. It takes maturity to realize that your partner is not okay and make the decision to leave the party and address their needs. Trust me, it can be hard to walk away from hot, wild, raunchy fun, and just as hard to tell your partner that you’re not okay, so be able to read your partner and act on who you know they are. the truth about what they say will make all the difference.
Swinging is the ideal relationship builder when you have all the basic foundations in place, but at the end of the day your relationship has to be the number one priority, as well as your partner’s needs and desires. You’re a team as you go through this and as a team you deal with whatever comes up, so keeping that in mind as you head into new and exciting territory will be a saving grace in those moments when you have to choose between fun new and take a step back to help your partner work through the things that have come your way.
There’s a more complete relationship readiness test in The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples Who Want to Explore Threesomes, Foursomes, and More, if you really want to be ready to take this step. It goes into detail about how to get started and answers many of the “what if” questions many new couples have about their relationship, the changes, and what to expect. Being informed is what takes away the fears and worries and arms you with the tools you need to make the transition as smooth as possible.
As long as you are interested and open, able to communicate and read each other, then you will have the most important elements to deal with the transition from vanilla to swinger! Are you ready?