When a good friend treats you badly
There are no guarantees in life that everyone in our inner circle will continue to like us, and yet it can be difficult to realize that a good friend, long-term relationship, is discovered to harbor disdain or even contempt for us and our friends. life choices.
We may have detected some subtle signs from time to time, prompting us to pause and reflect on the relationship. We may have even been keeping quiet or trying harder with them, but if they become overtly difficult or offensive, eventually followed by a half-hearted apology, we may have to question whether we really want to live this way. Will we always have to tolerate being treated badly to make sure our inner circle runs smoothly?
Initial reflections on your rude or unfriendly behavior may find the best way to conclude that it was unintentional, even if you have vague suspicions about it! But if an apology finally came, did it feel better? He had witnessed her ‘remorse’!
Ask yourself, after being hurt by the words or actions of a good friend, how did it feel to hear ‘I’m sorry’? What kind of word is it? It’s certainly a word that many of us automatically use multiple times a day. From letting the door close for the person behind us, to accidentally jumping in line or even when someone bumps into us, the word sorry often comes up without thinking.
How do you keep going when a good friend treats you badly?
There are times when a person’s actions are so divisive that they cause a division in a group of friends, forcing others to take sides. Being the catalyst for this can mean that we feel guilty, sorry, or ashamed, even if we’ve done little to cause the initial disruption.
When someone we consider to be a good friend is rude, disloyal, or offensive, we can react by doing our best to convince them, perhaps in some way blaming ourselves, wondering if it is our fault. It can be tempting to compensate and work hard to persuade them that we are kind, worthy, and worthy of their approval. But surely the time will come when we accept reality, take stock and accept that their behavior is their problem. We may find that our paths continue to cross, but it is important to safeguard our peace of mind and not give up our power by stressing, feeling unhappy, or unwell.
There may be weeks or months in which, for business or social reasons, we must rub shoulders with someone, a good friend, who has seriously wronged us. Because we have yet to meet and mingle with them, we perceptually ‘accept’ their apologies, smile, and be polite in return. Oil the wheels of any gathering, disperse tension, allow others to feel better able to relax. But, behind the smile, it is most likely that we have mentally distanced ourselves from the relationship, thus protecting ourselves from being too vulnerable and risking the same thing happening again.
The phrase “actions speak louder than words” has a certain resonance here. Do you believe their apologies or do you prefer to wait and see how they treat you later? For an apology to be truly acceptable, it has to feel genuine, and as such, you may need to include the details of what they are truly sorry for. A “pardon” from a blanket can seem quite vague and calming. But feeling that there is some awareness of the distress they have caused can help make an apology sound more sincere. And, of course, it is interesting to wait for what happens next.
After someone says they’re sorry, we can feel the pressure to be kinder, eager to show that we are the greatest person, ready to move on. Some people believe that once they have apologized, the situation is automatically resolved and we have a responsibility to be kind, generous and appreciative of their efforts, even if nothing they have said will remedy the pain and damage that has been caused.
Words alone take a second or two on someone’s lips. Yes, a “good friend” may want to keep the peace by doing a damage limitation exercise to ease the tension. But if an apology isn’t sincere, you’re justified in being polite enough while smiling, saying “thank you,” but then walking away.
After an apology, it would be nice to have some evidence of a desire to change, behave better, and improve areas of stress. Only when we see someone accept responsibility for their behavior can we trust that they are sorry, try to treat us with respect, and are willing to repair the relationship.
Remember, if you keep mingling with people who don’t value, respect, or treat you well, you’re not doing yourself any favors and missing out on opportunities to find a circle of real friends. Value yourself by walking away, although it could mean losing your old connections and, perhaps for a while, ending up alone.
When you fill your life with people and things that feed your soul, that bring you joy, you will gradually notice that you attract more like-minded people who support you and who are on a similar wavelength as you. When you value yourself, you let others value you as well.