When you can’t communicate: choose love

It seems that we are taking sides in everything.

• Immigration

• Gun control

• The economy

• Our schools

• Family and workplace issues

Even the Nike commercials.

We have stopped talking to each other. And we must find a way to reverse this trend, somehow.

Because whichever side we are on, it’s a side. We fall in love with our position and make statements that affirm our views. Social media algorithms ensure that we see posts that support our bias. And our friends confirm our reason, because we have stopped hanging out with those who do not. The focus is on winning the debate, proving our point, and showing how right we are.

Gradually, those with any fear of conflict become reluctant to raise controversial issues. It’s easier to keep quiet. Unfortunately, this fear of raising difficult topics creates space for only the loudest voices, many of whom choose platforms that keep them anonymous. And if we don’t get involved, our voices aren’t heard.

Let’s change the course. Shift the momentum away from the contest and towards the connection. and problem solving; towards learning and seeking to understand what fears and hopes underlie the views of those who think and believe differently and may even oppose us.

Always choose love

A new friend and colleague living in the Chicago area, James Warda, published a story on this issue of taking sides on July 4 called Happy Dependency Day. James believes that the decision to take a stand and defend a single point of view instead of supporting each other by connecting with curiosity on difficult issues is a cause of crisis in our country.

James suggests that we choose love over fear. When we do, we learn something important. We learn that we are connected, in more ways than we know. And we started looking for ways to solve these seemingly unsolvable problems and add meaning to our lives. The problems are only unsolvable if we stop talking.

Another valued colleague, Tony Richard, puts it this way: “Always choose love.” You sign every email with that thought, and most importantly, walk the road.

In my opinion, there are more ways to show love than we imagine. An example: the next time you are about to defend a cause, imagine that you are next to your partner in conflict. Look through the eyes, feelings, hopes, and fears of the person who thinks, behaves, or believes differently. Be curious. Wonder. Reflect. Just for a ki moment. And ask what it would be like to see things from another point of view.

The remedy is simple, although I admit it takes practice.