7 secrets to improve self-esteem

Low self-esteem is not a problem exclusive to adolescents and young people.

There are many adults today, even in their golden years, who do not have good self-esteem.

This is sad because low self esteem can make our relationships suffer, we are constantly envying other people and it makes us feel… pretty bad about ourselves.

It’s time to change that!

A good self-esteem will make you feel good about yourself.

I’m sure you know one or two people who are comfortable with themselves.

They don’t break down when people criticize them unfairly. They feel comfortable saying ‘I’m sorry’ when they’re wrong. And they trust their own talents. They can laugh at themselves.

The wonderful thing about high self-esteem is that it gives us

more success at work

we seem more attractive to our partners

we don’t need the approval of others

life seems brighter and happier and less gloomy

we feel good about ourselves

However, I don’t think it’s entirely our fault if we have low self-esteem.

That’s because the way our parents raised us had a HUGE impact on our confidence levels.

Were you expected to be ‘perfect’ when you were young?

Were you harshly criticized if you had a big dream or wanted something badly?

Were you constantly compared to other children?

Have you ‘failed’ to achieve something (eg, lose a game, get a D on a test) and been made to feel like a complete failure as a person?

The above are some examples of how our parents might have stumped our self-esteem without knowing it.

7 ways to rebuild our self-esteem

01

achieve more

I’m not talking about achieving something as big as winning an award or getting a medal in some sporting event.

We can set small goals, pursue the small goals, and achieve them. Once we have achieved our goals, whether they are big or small goals, we will have feelings similar to those of esteem.

Make sure that the goals you set for yourself bring you satisfaction. Don’t set goals to please someone else or to get praise!

Do you know what is interesting?

Showing off a little about our achievements on Facebook or Instagram can also boost our self-esteem. Just don’t overdo it or we’ll be a bit annoying 😉

02

Be aware of your talents

This may seem obvious to some of us.

But people with low self-esteem are unaware of or choose to ignore their strengths.

If you put pencil to paper and list your strengths and talents, you may be surprised that your list is longer than you thought.

However, you can have a trusted person list your strengths. You’ll get insight into your talents you weren’t aware of!

03

Treat yourself like a worthwhile person

This is where self-care comes in.

Pamper yourself with a massage, a warm bath, diffuse some essential oils (geranium essential oil evokes feelings of self-love if you’re into the metaphysical), play with a pet or child, write a journal, exercise, have dinner at your place favorite….basically do activities that make you feel amazing.

These feel-good activities will send signals to your mind that you are a valuable person and worthy of good things in life.

04

Fake it till you make it

Is there a celebrity you admire because they are so confident in themselves during interviews?

Or someone you know personally?

We can model your body language. Confident people tend to shake hands firmly, make eye contact, speak clearly, and stand tall. When we adopt their body language, people treat us with respect, which in turn makes us feel safe.

I personally admire Queen Rania of Jordan. She gently draws boundaries when she meets people in public places as she maintains a smile on her face and very polite body language, even when unknown women rush to smother her with hugs at events.

Jennifer Lopez is another celebrity who is a master of social skills. She can answer awkward interview questions with jokes, she laughs at herself and effortlessly makes herself seem humble and approachable. It is a well honed skill.

05

Talk and spend time with people with high self-esteem.

I love spending time with positive people.

They help me reframe any problem I have as something that will pass.

People with high self-esteem will make us feel energized and recharged after spending time with them.

They are open to admitting any mistakes or ‘failures’ they have made and will continue to support us when we make mistakes ourselves.

In short, they accept you for who you are, flaws and all.

Highly value these people.

06

be kind to yourself

I like a quote I came across recently: “You can’t go wrong in life because there’s no such thing as making life right.”

Everybody makes mistakes. Successful people make even more mistakes than the average person.

When we ‘fail’ at something, focus on modifying our strategies. ‘Failures’ are comments that our strategies need adjustment.

‘Failures’ have nothing to do with us as a person. So let’s not punish ourselves when we fall.

07

Taming the inner critic

All of us have inner critics. These annoying little things will override our capabilities.

Internal Critic Example: “My manager praised my work today. I think he was just being polite. Or maybe he’s in a good mood. I’m sure my work wasn’t that great.”

We can rephrase it like this: “I feel good that my manager praised my work today. It may not be perfect, but I did my best. I’m proud to put in the effort.”

I have heard of a successful businessman who has an unorthodox approach to this. Visualize his inner critic as an iguana (of all things!). He said that all of us have these ‘iguanas’ living in our minds.

When negative self-talk starts in your mind, you’ll shrug like the ‘iguana’ babble (once again).

This is a creative way that we can detach our destructive self-talk from ourselves.

Remember that changes in habits or mentality take time. 🙂

We will not be a confident superstar immediately after applying the above 7 tips. If we have had low self-esteem for years, we cannot change to being a self-confident person in 1 day.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to change.