Abandonment: Can childhood abandonment prevent someone from being able to express their true self?

During someone’s early years, ideally they should be given what they need to be able to live their own life as an adult. This will then be a time, then, when you will grow on the outside and you will grow on the inside.

Therefore, the first birth, the physical birth, will have taken place, and the second birth, the emotional birth, will also take place. Your outer self will continue to grow with proper nourishment, and your inner self will grow with proper care and guidance.

Individuality

Thanks to this, they will see themselves as an individual and will also be able to act as such. They will be in touch with their own needs and feelings, with their true selves, and feel safe enough to express who they are.

Then, as the years go by and it is up to them to lead their own lives, they will be able to look within for guidance and feel strong enough to follow this guidance. However, this does not mean that they will lead a life that fully reflects who they are, as their early experiences will still have influenced them.

A process

What this illustrates is that one will not completely separate from their caregivers, even if their early years were ‘good enough’ or better than good enough. There will still be things that you need to let go of that don’t reflect who you really are.

There will also be views and beliefs that you have picked up from other influences, such as the educational system and your society, that you will need to let go of. Ultimately, letting go of what is not theirs will be a lifelong process.

a massive help

Fortunately, since they received what they needed to start this process, they will have a solid foundation. With this foundation in place, you can move forward and create a life that is more aligned with your true essence.

If they didn’t have a strong sense of self and weren’t aware of their own needs and feelings, they would lead a very different life. It is unlikely to be a deeply meaningful and satisfying life.

another reality

As a result of how their life is, it can be difficult for them to understand what it would be like to live this way. The way you experience life will simply be what is normal and what you are used to.

When someone does not live as he does, his life will have very little to do with what happens inside him. There is even the possibility that, in general, one is not even aware of what their needs and feelings are.

a gloomy existence

Their point of focus might be primarily what is going on externally and they might seem more like an extension of others than a separate being. Then one will be no more than a supporting actor in one’s own story.

They may be used to getting a fair amount of approval, but no matter how much approval they get, it won’t make up for the fact that they’re not living their own life. Experiencing life in this way, they may get used to feeling frustrated and angry and may spend a good deal of time feeling deeply powerless.

developmental delay

They may blame themselves for what is happening, seeing themselves as weak and incapable. However, it is likely that what they are going through is because they did not receive what they needed to receive when they were children.

Unlike the person above, your physical self will have grown but your emotional self will have remained in an underdeveloped state. This would have prevented them from emotionally separating from their primary caregiver and going very far in the individuation process, or even starting this process.

stuck in the past

As children, they would have seen themselves as an extension of their primary caregiver, and given the right care, they would have been able to get through this stage. However, since this care was not provided, they would not have been able to get past this stage.

The result of this is that they will not have developed a strong sense of self or realize, deep down, that they are emotionally separate from others. Deep down, they will believe that their survival depends on pleasing others, just like when they were children.

caught in the mirror

With this in mind, even if there are times when they can connect with their true selves, it will not be possible for them to hear this part of themselves. Acting as an individual, as opposed to an extension of others, will be seen as too great a risk.

If they were to act as individuals and have a life of their own, they are likely to believe that they will be abandoned. For the child part of them, other people will be seen as their caretakers and therefore being abandoned by someone else will cause death.

Awareness

In order for one to separate and create their own reality, without being caught up in other people’s realities, they will need to face and work through their childhood wounds. This is something that can be done with the help of a therapist or healer.

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Someone like this can also provide you with the positive regard, or love, you need to develop a strong sense of self. This is something that will require patience and persistence.