Coping with the discovery that your child will have special needs for life
Hi, I’m Linda James Bennett, a mother, wife, and businesswoman. 34 years ago she was excited, glowing; Every day was exciting, I dreamed of a beautiful baby, my first baby. Nothing was impossible, life was perfect. The story in my head was fast-forwarding to dreaming that my baby would get married, have a family, I would be a grandmother: the possibilities were everywhere.
John and I had been married 6 years before we took this big step of having our first child. We had it all planned. Life didn’t get better than this, feeling my baby move inside knowing that one day soon I would see that cute little face and I couldn’t wait. Time passed in slow motion as we waited for the big day.
Finally, Ryan was born with the right number of fingers and toes and we were over the moon with our new little blessing. The doctor told us that everything went well and that our baby was fine.
Like so many new moms with their first child, she was looking for reassurance that she was developing and hitting the milestones she read about in baby magazines. I don’t consider myself very competitive, but when there was a milestone to measure, he was ready to validate his achievement. My maternal instincts were born, the braggart gene that comes with every child, giving us permission to tell the world what an amazing baby we have who can roll, crawl, bigger, better, faster than any other child. Oh sure, with each milestone there’s a range that gives us a window of time to measure your achievements, so I wasn’t too worried that he wasn’t right. I was a bit behind the curve. I was ready to give him some slack; I’m his mother, his cheerleader.
The first big clue that something was wrong: He wasn’t talking. Thus began the search for answers. Along the way we met wonderful people who started the process of teaching him to speak, something we take for granted. John said that he would give anything to hear him speak, 34 years later he would question that wish. Finally, at age 4 he had already caught up on that milestone. Yeah!
Ryan was active, too active, and ‘more than a handful’. Through testing, he was placed in special education classes; as we continue our search for answers to ‘why’ he wasn’t like everyone else. We were looking for anything that would ensure that one day he would catch up and be like everyone else his age.
At 9 years old, after the DNA test with inconclusive results, it hit me like a crushing blow that was not going to reach him. This is our life, the dreams he had are over for him and me. Welcome to my new life where my braggart gene was replaced by a sword, because he was now a warrior for my son whose future was uncertain and so was mine. Everything would be different for our family; now we would have to figure out how to fit this square peg into this round world.
Our journey has been filled with joy, laughter, and unexpected achievements that we have learned to embrace. My passion now is reaching out and helping other parents on this roller coaster ride to a happy place; where uncertainty is fine. We do this in our Exceptional Parents support group at, www.ExceptionalParentsPlace.com