Should your staff also be your friends?

There should be a big difference between our friends and the people we’re friends with, but many of us have a hard time making the distinction. We may refer to everyone in our circle as friends, but too often, if we don’t see them or fall off our radar, we barely notice or question their absence.

Co-workers and colleagues can fall into that category. How often does someone we once worked closely with leave the business and then return for a social visit, only to find we have nothing to talk about after a relatively short period of time? Our friendship was based primarily on shared business considerations.

But what about those times when we manage and work closely with a team of people? We see them regularly, we monitor their work. Should our staff be our friends too?

Few people enjoy confrontation or having to bring other people to order. But there are ways to manage a team without having to choose between being popular and their friend or being seen as heavy-handed.

– Start how you want to continue. Set the tone for your relationship with your staff from the very beginning. Yes, be kind, respectful, empathetic, but also remember that there is a job to be done, goals to be achieved, and money to be earned. Be firm about being on time, regular tardiness, silly excuses for unfinished pieces of work. Supporting individual circumstances is important, but if one person seems to be the constant favorite, it can cause resentment among everyone else.

– Keep communication channels open.. Being micro-managed is often demotivating. No one wants a boss who is constantly looking over their shoulder, evaluating and commenting on their work. That being said, you need to be aware of what your staff are doing each day, where they are in terms of workload and problem solving. Be clear about when you are available for staff to discuss issues and problems. For some managers, it’s when their office doors are open.

– Be aware of the dangers of sharing your personal things too much. As your manager, his staff is not there to advise or advise you. Sharing too much can blur the lines of your relationship and make it difficult if you ever need to discipline or have strong conversations with them. It’s nice to share some personal information so they can relate to you as a person and know that you connect and empathize with them and their situations, but you have a cutoff point, a limit to how far it goes.

– Have boundaries in place. Some managers like to go for social drinks with their staff, but leave after a couple of hours, putting some money behind the bar, to pay for the next rounds of drinks. It lets the staff know that you are friendly and attentive, while maintaining a slightly aloof presence.

– Have periodic evaluations of the personnel, thus reinforcing your role as your manager. This allows for a two-way exchange on where your people are with regard to their competency and progression, how they feel about their role, as well as those areas you’d like them to focus on and improve.

– Hold regular staff meetings. as a group, which organizes and sets the agenda, perhaps after consulting with staff. This allows to evaluate and improve the dynamics of the team. When staff feel comfortable and listened to, they may have great ideas and suggestions for improving existing practices. Encourage them to be loyal and involved in the business.

– If a staff member does not cooperate, maybe he envy you his role, maybe he wanted it for himself, it’s important to avoid taking his attitude personally. Worrying about it or trying to win them over only serves to exacerbate the problem and doesn’t solve anything. Give them tasks with deadlines and have regular meetings to check on their progress. Be fair and treat everyone equally.

– Avoid using calming or conciliatory tones to delegate work. No apologies! Instead, be more practical, polite but managerial, like “this needs to be done, could you finish it by Wednesday please?” You can then document the discussion and note the Wednesday deadline.

– Make any reluctance or inability to turn in work your problem. Ask questions about what the problem is, why they haven’t complied, what needs to happen to help them succeed. Depending on the size of your company, there may be options to transfer an unruly staff member, offer training, or even eventually involve Human Resources and a disciplinary proceeding.

– Be sure to practice good self-careespecially in times of stress. Regular breaks improve work efficiency by allowing you to disconnect mentally and physically, go for a walk, drink some water, eat a piece of fruit, and come back feeling refreshed afterwards. A healthy diet, a good exercise and sleep plan, unwinding each night, and allowing yourself a couple of hours to relax before bed are all ways to ensure you maintain a healthy mind and body.

– Do not underestimate the importance of spending time with your real friends and family, having fun with the very special people in your life. Enjoying down time, being yourself, being carefree makes the long hours and personal investment in your business role well worth it. Those relationships are often a big part of why you work so hard.

And remember, management hired you for this position, so clearly believe in yourself. Any new role is a challenge. Enjoy the opportunity to scare yourself a little, learn new skills and grow. Finding constructive ways to interact with your team is a difficult skill to learn, but it’s also an important step toward your future career progression.